Today, Vulnerable, Perspective, Priorities

Mother's Day until July 4th has over the past few (5ish) years just gotten harder and harder for me. I don't think I suffer from depression over the winter months like many in Northern New England do with the lack of sunshine the annoying amounts of snow and FREEZING COLD... but bring on Mother's Day and the chaos of life until 4th of July and I want to pull the covers over my head and not come out until the middle of summer.

Remember this post... Hiatus....where I told you I'd gone to our local store to check in with a lady who's husband was diagnosed with cancer the same time as Husband? Today... they had a memorial service for him... today his wife and two daughters... had to say goodbye.

When I walked up to her in the receiving line I lost it. We both remembered the last time we had chatted when things were on the up swing for both of the men in our lives....she looked at me and said... "you don't want this. With two girls you just don't want this..."

Two weeks ago while all packed up in the truck and talking with L&L in their driveway about this man and how poorly he was doing health wise SIL L and I talked about how we could be them. We could have been telling a whole different story... and from the backseat of the truck in perfect 3 year old pitch we heard...

"How great... is OUR God... sing with me how GREAT IS OUR GOD...."


and of course SIL L and I LOST it... He is... NO MATTER WHAT...and my prayer over the past few months has been to not loose that. The close... the need for HIM in my life... the part where I honestly felt like I could.not.breathe. without His help when Husband was going through all that he was... and we made it out healthy on the other side. How hard it would be to be the ones with the different story....

They say that after going through life experiences like this your perspective can change and I think mine has. Husband and I have always been of the mindset that our family bubble is going to come first... family dinner table... a lot of down time... not so much running around... and after this I feel like I have really needed to put this into action. At the end of the day... I care about my girls spending time with family. With their Dad and their Mom and then whatever their parents want to do. Not to say that they can't go and DO other things... but that during this season... and especially this one from May-the end of June I hunker down. And I'm OK with it. It makes me feel more sane, more centered, more focused....and as GA's Dad has said about his kids quiet-ish lives... "they are no worse for the wear"...

My mind still spins with all that happened in a very short amount of time and while I am SO happy that it is "over" (except for those monthly visits where your Husband actually has his own ONCOLOGIST ~ weird) I don't want to lose the perspective where I am so IN NEED of the Lord and where I am counting my blessings no matter WHAT... and where we just enjoy the part where we have a family of four because let's all be honest... none of us knows how many days we have and don't you want to spend them with the ones you love?