FF, Part 5, I Quit...

Remember this??? Click Here. In January 2009 we started the toughest part of the journey... for me. Needles. Shots. Puncturing my own skin. YES.... I AM A TYPE 1 DIABETIC and YES... I have been that way for 18 years... but that does NOT mean that we ever "get used" to the needles... to the blood draws... to the site changes... or the pain. It just doesn't. I was NOT ready to go this route. I really REALLY didn't want it to get to the point where I had to stab myself with synthetic hormones. I really really didn't. But I REALLY REALLY wanted the end result... I REALLY REALLY wanted a child with this man that I cannot live without... I really really wanted a family unit all our own... and on Monday, January 12th, 2009... with the encouragement of a girlfriend beside me and shaky hands... I did the first shot of what ended up being 6...(my leg in the pic below)On Friday that week I went in for B/W for them to see how I was responding to the meds and my RN called me that AM with the results... my estrogen level was up over 900... I asked her... "Where did you WANT it?" her response...."uh... somewhere near 200-250". Ok I replied...would this explain the RAGING headache and the fact that I can't manage to keep it together?? :) Yes... she assured me it was the drugs and the fact that my body had DEFINATELY responded. (why... WHY don't they listen when I tell them I cannot HANDLE synthetic hormones?)

I was to end the shots immediately and come in that afternoon for an U/S. Husband and I spent the weekend back and forth to the big city having U/S and B/W checking on the status of my ovaries. My arms were like pin cushions by Tuesday...They wanted follicles that would mature but they didn't want too MANY follicles that could have me turning into the next mother who gets her own TLC show because she has 800 children... The finally decided that I had 3-4 "good ones" that they were hoping one would finish maturing...

And since we are talking about the "big guns" we opted to go with the IUI procedure. We were already spending the money on the meds, the U/S and the bloodwork and we REALLY REALLY wanted this to be OUR shot... OUR chance that we didn't look back and think... "well we should have...." we wanted all the cards on the table...so to speak :)Two weeks later we got the devestating results... AF showed up. But in addition to that, we got the results that not only did it NOT WORK but they HAD over stimulated my ovaries and I had two cysts. One that was measuring 66mm and one a little smaller.

We couldn't do another cycle. I had to ride out AF and maybe even another cycle before we could go again. Again, the rollercoaster. It was brutal enough to know that it didn't work and for AF to show but for them to tell you... the girl who never gets AF on her own....you'll have to wait yet ANOTHER cycle... I had a really hard time... really hard. So in March 2009 when Husband encouraged me to call Pat, RN again to get things rolling because he wasn't getting any younger :) and if we were going to do this we probably needed some meds to bring on AF again I was dragging my feet.... I dragged them all the way to the end of the month....