Fertility Friday (FF), Part 1, Background

I never wanted kids. Well, let me rephrase that... I never wanted to BEAR children of my own. From the time that I was in High School I had a burden for kids in the foster system and adoption. The diabetes def. played a huge roll in my thoughts but I knew the stats. I knew that healthy non-diabetics had 99% chance of a healthy PGCY and as a diabetic my chances were 98% ...just didn't think I ever wanted/needed to go through it to have children of my own. Not to mention my cycles...I have NEVER been a "regular" girl and it was "normal" for me to go 6-8 months between visits from "Aunt Flo" (AF). Over the years, I'd been on 8-10 different kinds of birth control pills (BCP) to try to "regulate" my body or as I like to look at it now, TRICK IT into doing things it did NOT want to do. All while making me gain weight, get grouchy, and at one point suicidal. No. I don't take that word lightly. I'm not meant for synthetic hormones. We just don't get along. 4-6 months or so into marital bliss and they went OUT the window. Taking our chances? Sure. But again.... insert NOT NORMAL cycles.

Before we got married obviously this was something Husband and I talked about and I made sure he knew that I might never change my mind about having children. His response "it's not a reason NOT to marry you". (love him) He also told me that he really didn't have the same pull for the foster/adoption route. Hrrrmm... How's THIS going to work?

Fast forward... March/April 2005-2006ish and there was a girl at Husband's school trapped in the foster system. The more we heard, the more we prayed. Husband's heart was changed and we honestly felt like this was something we HAD to do. We honestly felt the Lord paving the way and the pieces just fell into place. The timing of everything could not have been anything other than His handiwork. We took the foster parenting classes, we talked to the right people, we did the counseling they had us do and all the while started falling in love with a 13 year old who we felt just needed a chance. She moved in after school got out in June and we never intended her to move out (until she was headed to college). We went into this situation for all intensive purposes to adopt her and make her a part of our forever family.

Speaking of family, they were ALL so supportive. Even when things started going not quite so well, to put it mildly, they continued to pray for us, support her and us and help us however we needed. Unfortunately things through the summer continued to spiral out of our control. We continued to bring it to the Lord and felt that we had been in HIS will throughout the whole situation. However, at the point when things were not "safe" anymore we knew we were in over our heads and a decision had to be made. And it was. By the "higher ups". She was removed from our home through many tears, sadness and head banging. Literally. It was not at all how WE thought the plan was going to go down. We were DEVASTATED to say the least.

My heart was changed. It had a hardness to it that was not there before. I knew that was not a road I was willing to travel again and not understanding how God had worked the whole plan out so perfectly to have it end, in our perspective so NOT perfectly made me bitter for a while. There was some major healing that needed to take place. God is good. His plan is ALWAYS best and I rest NOW in the fact that I don't HAVE to figure it all out and it doesn't HAVE to make sense to ME. It's HIS master plan!

Fast forward...2007....we start talking here and there about coming up with a plan and maybe we should go back to the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) that we'd seen 4 years before to try to figure out why I wasn't normal and why after years of no BCP there were no children.

May 2007 and PGCY issues didn't seem to be a problem for JJ and J...a defining moment for me that is for sure. It was a definite awakening to what my heart really DID want. It was a point for me to be honest with myself and with Husband. I came to the point where I was tired of "waiting to see what miracle might happen" and TO MOVE THINGS along to try and have our very own babe. I was ready. Husband had always BEEN ready :) Time to make the call that WE NEEDED HELP.

December 2007 I called the RE's office and got in for the first available appointment in January 2008. We had NO idea the road it was going to take us down...