FF, Part 2 And so it begins...

On January 29, 2008 we had our appointment with the RE. An excerpt of what I wrote that day... (I had intended to journal the whole journey but towards the end things dropped off... ) "We are starting with a “plan” and checking to see where this road takes us. Thus begins the journey to you… little baby… or to life as we know it as “just” a couple. People don’t see you as a “family” when you are “just a couple” but we do. We are our own little family unit and we may stay just like we are or we may be blessed by you… we are headed to find out what God has in store. "

A week later on February 6, I took a PG test...God and I had been having conversations about Him doing a miracle and me being PG on the day that would have been FIL's 71st birthday... I started AF that night. Guess He said no... Thus began what I found out was a rollercoaster ride of up = hope/progress and down = devestation/saddness. So I called the RE's office to see if we could at least use this cycle that came all on its own and his nurse, Pat, who was my ROCK at that office through this journey, called me back with a plan.

Ultrasound (U/S) at the beginning to make sure there are no cysts and make sure my endo lining looks good. I was scheduled for 7:15 AM (in the big city 45 min. from home WHAT!?) on 2/11. Provided things look good... an Rx for Clomid aka CloMOOOOD and on cycle day (CD) 21 I have a lab order to have a progesterone test to see if I did infact ovulate (O'd) or what's going on and then if I don't get AF (or PG) they will stick me on prometrium and after I bleed like a stuck pig for 10 days I go back for another U/S and we start the process all over again raising the clomid each time.

Two days later I heard from the billing specialist at the RE's office. We live in a state where infertility (IF) is not a covered service. However, I live in a country where I get to PAY for the girls who are getting PG and can't afford it and support their children. Interesting irony. (I actually had just typed out how much everything cost for each service but deleted it. I really don't want to open ourselves up for judgement on how we spent our money or pity because we had to. Just a little personal I guess about finances....but heck, I'll tell yah anything you want to know about my endometrial lining! :) hee hee hee)

I started my first dose of 50mgs Clomid on the evening of 2/11/2008... the side effects were NOT a good time. Remember I'm the girl who doesn't "Do" synthetic hormones? Yeah. Not.Fun. Headache, anxiety and lots of tears. Oh.Dear. Now we wait to find out if I did in fact O based on the B/W and results should be in after the weekend...

In the meantime, because of the diabetes, I was sent over to the high risk OB/GYN office in the big city for a consult. We met with Dr. W aka Military Man and I came out of there extremely overwhelmed and like this journey is going to be the hardest thing we've ever done. When I make statements like that I can hear parents all over saying "IT IS THE HARDEST JOURNEY raising children and being parents" but how many of them struggle with all the"extra" stuff during the pre-PG and the PG? Dr. W looked at my blood sugars from the past two weeks and told me that I would have to be absolutely perfection. Uh... what? I told him that seemed virtually impossible... his response... he just looked at me and said... "it IS possible" and then went on to explain all the birth defects I could cause my child due to my blood sugars. Yeah. It was a good time that day....

Dr. W set me up for an EKG, pregnancy profile blood work and a 24 hour urine collection. Good times. I definitely had a freak out moment in the car on the way home with Husband. I was so overwhelmed, scared, nervous, etc. etc. Have I mentioned yet in THIS post how much I love him?

Got a call from Pat on Monday AM pulling into work. She explained that my prog. level was 2.2 and they liked to see it up around 4 so the RE was calling it an annovulatory cycle. I explained to her that I thought I might have O'd late and could I do another blood test? She agreed and even told me that if I did O late that it was more likely ON MY OWN and not a result of the clomid! Heard from Pat again the next day. She actually kept thinking about what I'd told her so she CALLED for the results instead of waiting for them to show up on her desk! She said I had a 49!!!! WHAT!?!?!? Yesterday they were just hoping for a number above 4 and now I have a 49!?!?!? High-fived myself all the way home! Called Husband before I left work and he was giggling and sounded so excited and happy for me on the phone. I realize women do this EVERY MONTH but for me... it's a HUGE deal and I was PSYCHED! aka... UP the roller coaster....

Two weeks later I was headed RIGHT down... AF showed. No warning... no head's up that she was coming to visit... just blew right in like she owned the place....

Here we go again....