FF, Part 3, the months drag on...

Mid-March 2008 had us headed into another cycle... I had some girls I needed to vent/cry/confide/pray with me and this is an email that was sent to them...

Here we go again…

• Ultrasound on Thursday at 7:30 AM in (the big city)
• PG test (right, incase all those strips that popped up negative (Pregnancy tests) and the NASTINESS (AF) that is free flowing out of me COULD INDICATE that I might still ACTUALLY be PG)
• Rx for Clomid
• Still up for discussion on if I’m staying at the 50mg or they are bumping me to 100mg ~ Obviously I want SOMETHING to work but really would prefer to NOT have double the dose of the crazy pills.
• Thursday ~ start crazy pills
• Friday ~ should still feel pretty OK
• Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday ~ WILL BE OFFICIALLY CRAZY. Take note and protect those around you that may come into my path and know not what is RAGING inside my body.
• Wednesday ~ hoping to be coming back to the world of reality where I AM happy 98% of the time and I DO love my Husband and family and it’s TOTALLY ok if my shoe comes untied. Oh wait. I wear Danskos WITH NO TIES (yah, this could get ugly) :)

Love you all, thanks for being all around me on this roller coaster.

4/7/2008: CD 23 still no egg...I did get bumped up to 100mgs and the side effects were more in the form of anxiety this time. Lucky Husband. I journaled that day... "He is so strong, secure, safe, constant and honestly my hero. All the time."

I called Pat to let her know and we talked about next steps if we needed them. She thought that probably meant heading up to 150mgs of Clomid... oh my goodness. But I realized that going into this process I was still unsure. Was this REALLY wanted I wanted but I AM ready. Ready for TWINS even. Ready to be PG, to handle the blood sugars, the sickies and bring a child into our family and the world. RE did not think that this late in the cycle the egg would be viable but every time I thought that I would think about something I read somewhere that God does NOT consider what men do... that HE will do things in HIS own time and IN HIS OWN WILL SO THAT MEN MAY KNOW IT WAS HIM AND NOT THEM. Does He have a miracle for us? Or is He just closing doors?

Friday, April 25, 2008... no egg... but an U/S to determine there was a lining that needed to be "shed". Lovely. Along came AF and along came 150mgs of Clomid. From my journal: This is the last shot with the clomid to produce an egg. If it doesn't work we go back in to talk options. If it does... we go two more rounds with 150mgs. Pretty sure I'm going to be in a padded room after the 150mgs. Pretty definately sure.

According to my Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) I popped an egg on CD 20ish... 10ish days later and I start taking HPT's. I spoke to Pat on 5/30 and obviously she explained either AF needs to show up or we need a positive PG test... My head knew it would be AF. But she told me we can then decide if we want to go back in to see the RE or if we want to run another round of 150mgs of Clomid.

Husband and I talked about it briefly that day and we think that is the direction we are going to go. Giving the oral meds another try before I have to start thinking about injections. If this cycle doesn't work we will need to figure out the timing of everything because he is slated to leave for his end of the school year fishing trip...

So once AF showed.... we decided to take a MUCH NEEDED break....