You'll have to bear with me... the next few months the details are a bit blurry since I did not keep very good track after Aug/Sept 2008...
In August 2008 we were bumped up to 200mgs of clomid... remember how I felt on 50mgs? Yeah... you can just about imagine how that went down... I was so emotional I cried just about everyday. Could NOT keep it together... I know you are all thinking "you are a crier anyway CountryMouse" but it is a different emotional battle. Where you can SEE that it is totally NOT a big deal that your shoe has come untied, but you just CANNOT force yourself to deal with it.
A month later we did it again... there was a whole lot of this...
and more of this...
that looked like that...
And in September we came up with yet another "plan". I was scheduled for an HSG when/if AF showed up again... Pat was brutally honest with me... she told me "it isn't a good time. It's not real comfy and if I didn't have to talk to you ever again I might not let you know how bad it really is... but since I have to talk to you and work with you again I don't want you to be surprised" GREEEAATTTT. I also was not able to do another clomid cycle because it would be too late I guess in my cycle.
I think that the devestating parts were of course going through all the treatments but at the same time being limited by other tests, timing, schedules, etc. You are riding this rollercoaster up and down and by the time you are gearing to go up again you are ready. Then they throw a curve at you and say... no... this is not a month we can do anything. And you know... it is just one more month that you are further from your dream....
And as if this wasn't bad enough I was not the only one who was supposed to be getting checked out. Tough to get a teacher into any appointments but certainly ones that require timeframes and that are in the "big city". Lots and lots of stress at the Mouse House that is for sure...
I took a friend with me to the HSG and it wasn't AS bad as Pat had made it out to sound. Course 800mg of Advil and 2 X-strength Tylenol helps. We found out that everything with the testing DID check out "fine". Husband was "fine" and my tubes were clear. I was still an "unexplained" IF case of a girl who never got AF on her own... and in October we ran with another cycle on a different med...it did the same thing as Clomid but they were obviously hoping for different results. 
And the same things showed up... the meds worked to get me to O and I had enough progesterone to sustain a PGCY yet still....nothing... I was tired... we were headed into the holidays... the timing of things would have had us trucking back and forth to the "big city" during Thanksgiving and Christmas and we decided to just let it go for a couple of months, enjoy our families, friends and the festivities without the pressure of $$, time and energy going into our journey that had almost been a year long.
And what do you know... November and December... Infertile Girl got AF... all on her own... no meds. Course you can also see that if AF came... there was still no little person growing in my belly... and through much prayer, thought process, discussions and time....we decided to go with the big guns after the new year...
2 comments:
I love reading your FF posts! - JJ
That needle is scary.
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