Thursday AM I was given some GENTLE (who are we kidding, I don't learn anything "gently" :) He knows that. I need FORCE and BLACK AND WHITE) teaching from the Lord...
I was on my way to the "big city" for my every other week appt (that I've been having since the DAY we found out about Minnie Mouse, the joys of High Risk) and it was the first appt since Husband got out of school that I've had to drive myself. (I'm a self-proclaimed princess. I like to be driven around :) Kinda got in a bit of a funk driving down the road... irritated about how many appts there are, driving ALL the way up there and doing it without my best friend and the one who has my back!
The new SELAH song, Hosanna came on the radio RIGHT at that moment... "Heal my heart and make it clean Open up my eyes to the things unseen Show me how to love like you have loved me " And Minnie Mouse started thumping away in my belly. Uh... HELLO. GET IT TO-GETHER COUNTRY MOUSE!
I started to cry remembering the times when I had to leave my house alone in the dark and cold winter months, to head to the big city and get stabbed with needles, to be all doped up on synthetic hormones, to be told again and again that it just "didn't work this time" and they "were not sure why". To be bleeding like a stuck pig (sorry) and feel like I was incapable of carrying a baby inside me. Oh SWEET LORD thank you for the REMINDER. Your timing was perfect, your WAYS are the BEST ways, I am BLESSED, I am LOVED and you did NOT forget about me. I have NOTHING to complain about. I have a baby girl to bring into this world in the dark and cold winter months THIS YEAR and I am BLESSED.
As if THAT wasn't enough He really must have felt the need to drive the point home...I got out of my appt and shared the elevator with another girl who I'm assuming came out of my Dr's office. My OB's office is for high risk people, for people who might have struggled to concieve and also the normal general population. I couldn't REALLY tell if this girl was PG or not but there was no guessing in the outfit I was wearing yesterday. (CountryMum had recently purchased a really super cute fitted maternity top and it was my first time wearing it... hello basketball belly) For someone who might be struggling to get PG or who may have not been given the desires of HER heart my belly could most DEF. "get in the way".
We followed proper elevator etiquette and did not make eye contact. However out of the corner of my eye, I saw that she was trying to make a call on her cell and when we stepped off the elevator I got off first and held the door for us to walk through into the parking garage.... all of a sudden, again, out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand come up to her mouth and she started to cry... I watched to see where she was going and a friend of hers immediately got out of an SUV that was parked behind me... her friend wrapped her up in her arms and the girl from the elevator just BROKE DOWN CRYING. Now, honestly it is all speculation in my mind what she was upset about... but the point is... she came out of an OB's office and she was UPSET.
Oh WAKE UP COUNTRY MOUSE.... YOU ARE BLESSED. YOU ARE NOT HURTING (right now) YOU ARE CARRYING A CHILD THAT YOU AND HUSBAND SO BADLY WANTED THAT YOU WENT THROUGH YOUR OWN VERSION OF HELL ON EARTH to get here and you have been BLESSED. I felt such a conviction and a love and a peace in my heart that God was just pouring out to me that I needed to feel BLESSED. AND... I DO. I also drove away praying for this girl, that whatever IT is that she is hurting about that she will seek the ultimate Comforter, Provider and One who LOVES her.
Job 8:21 (NIV) (EMPHASIS MINE) He will yet fill your mouth with LAUGHTER and your lips with shouts of JOY
P.S. someone PLEASE remind me of this when Minnie has me up all night, I haven't showered in 4 days and Husband is withering away to NOTHING because there has been no food in our house for WEEKS? :)
*disclaimer ~ I'm not saying that we should NOT share our struggles and hurts... it's healthy and people need to know how to pray specifically but sometimes I fear we get in ruts where it is ALL negative and we might not even realize that we are ALWAYS complaining about SOMETHING. We live in the best country in the WORLD, with the best medicine, homes, food, clothing and MORE than we ever deserve. Our time here is SO short... I needed to be reminded this week of how blessed I am and to make the MOST of the short time we have here.
1 comment:
Baca...she was going through a Baca. As Pastor Ron told us, a Baca is a valley that we go through from time to time. It's a struggle in our life. I feel so happy that you were there with her. Even though you might not have spoke to her at that time, the fact that you prayed for her afterwards is awesome. You've been through a baca of your own so you took your own experiences and turned them into prayer requests for someone else. Awesome.
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